From My Soul
It’s been a while since I wrote you a “From My Heart” email. It’s been cooking for the last 9+ months. A lot can happen in 9 months!
I keep thinking there’s going to be a bigger lesson that I can share more vulnerably – yet I’m waiting for the “bigger” lesson to integrate fully so I know how it all turns out. While I teach the importance of vulnerability in life – and especially in the context of spiritual leadership – I’m not sure I’m very good at practicing it.
I prefer to sanitize. I’ll talk about surrender, but only if years have passed since my big moment of surrender (we’re approaching the 5th anniversary at the end of the month – it MUST be sanitized by now!).
But what about what I’m surrendering last week. Or yesterday. Or today? Am I really willing to share that – to be vulnerable at that level with you?
I think I reached the point in my communication with you last fall where I was up against a point of significant grown … that wasn’t yet integrated. And I couldn’t keep communicating from a place of apparent authenticity and vulnerability – yet not actually be vulnerable with you.
So I stopped communicating. At least on this level, in this way.
As I look back on the the time since last fall I see a clear through-line – not just in the last 9+ months – but in my life going back to 2007 – and back even further – back into my adolescence.
It’s been all about self-love for me. That’s what I surrendered on June 30th 2011 – and that’s what I experienced for the first time in my life on that day.
I’ve said many times that surrender is a daily practice – perhaps even an hour by hour practice. But I’m not sure I’ve been living that to the level or degree that I’ve been teaching. At least not until the last three or four months.
There are typically a couple of ways we can work important things out – and the way I seem to keep choosing has to do with direct experience on a literal level. I’m grateful I haven’t had a health crisis to underscore the importance of self-love. I keep having experiences where I’m seeing another way (rather than my true authentic path) forward. I give it a shot, and discover it’s not going to work.
It shouldn’t surprise me at this point. But so far it seems to. I’m glad to report that my learning curve is getting shorter – but there’s still a curve there. Apparently self-love involves forgiveness of self too. I’ve been working on that. 🙂
Without question I can say that the only path forward for me personally, professionally – at any level of my being – is that path of my authentic truth. It’s a path that is revealed within me. This has been a huge point of awareness and learning over the last few years especially. I’ll say it again – for my own sake of course: The path forward is revealed WITHIN me!
No matter how enthusiastic or well-meaning others may be with their expertise or ideas – no matter how susceptible I am to those well-meaning experts, friends, and other interested parties – the path forward is within.
Claiming this over and over again is what I’ve been up to since we last really connected at this deeper level.
It’s led to some surprising outcomes. I canceled my fall in-person retreat. After a month or two of no plans – a plan recently bubbled up for a virtual retreat in the fall – so that’s on my calendar and I’m excited about it. But for a while after letting the fall retreat go I was confused. Clear in my guidance to let it go, and wondering what the next step would be. Or even if I needed to do ANYTHING.
“Why the focus on doing things, Ken?” I’ve asked myself this question over and over again!
I was so excited in the fall of last year – you may remember – about moving my business from a for-profit model to a non-profit model. I found the top attorney in the US for spiritual communities – turns out he’s here in Colorado and a very nice guy at that!
I tried out some ideas about how I would behave if I had a fully endowed non-profit (never mind that I didn’t have an endowment of any sort). GREAT learning on measuring outcomes – modeling business ideas for external purposes – and ultimately the importance of following inner guidance. The path forward is within. In the process I darn near drove myself out of business completely, and discovered in the process God doesn’t really care if I’m a for or non-profit. Turn Within.
Without the funds to start a non-profit the question and focus faded away, and instead was replaced by a focus inside – on my true resonant path. It doesn’t have answers for what happens years from now. Sometimes it doesn’t have answers for what I’m to do several months from now. But it always has answers for my next steps.
If donors come forward to endow a non-profit I know how I’ll respond and what I’ll be able to quickly implement to ensure a home and proper stewardship of resources. The research is done. I’m clear where I’m headed (inside). In the absence of funding, the non-profit idea is a wonderful, resonant idea. But not what’s next today or tomorrow.
Turns out God doesn’t really need any hustle on my part. The Divine doesn’t need me to prove anything. Turns out I’m worthy – just the way I am. No changes necessary. You’d think I would have learned that lesson back in 2008 when my hands and feet just started buzzing and miracles began unfolding in my immediate view – apparently something to do with what was happening through me. Nothing to prove then – too clueless to even think of that.
Great insight for then. Great insight for now.
In January I went back to the Monastery near Aspen, Colorado that I typically visit in the summer each year. I called Gary – the guest master – the week before I had been planning to visit to see about a room. Turns out there hadn’t been any availability for any time in January or any other month, until hours before I called when a group canceled. Divine timing is always taking care of things.
I knew I needed some time there to unwind and unpack. Knew I had been focused on the wrong things. Knew I was way too focused on things outside of myself, and not nearly enough (or at all) on what’s going on within. Especially around where I was being led.
Three days in silence, prayer, and meditation later and I had it again. Turn inward. I will always lead you forward. To my personality – some laughter: you think this is all a function of you? With love dear personality, this is a God thing. Let’s not get confused.
The moment I got home everything started falling into place. By March I realized no fall retreat. And then space opened up – and the downloads started coming. Floods of new awareness. Spiritual leadership. The journey of the spiritual messenger. A huge area that I’ve been deeply called to for the two years to that point – and now the substance of what I would be teaching and facilitating started coming in. Surrendering my agenda made room for God’s agenda and grace. What a relief!
Every time I thought to write you I was in the middle of a download – “Ohh – I have to tell my community about this” I would think – but then the download would call me back – and days and weeks would pass.
Some of us came together in person in April for the Embodied Messenger Experience. I thought I knew the agenda – freshly downloaded in the weeks leading up to the retreat. As if to underscore the disruption at work within me – a snowstorm of epic proportions happened the weekend everyone was to arrive. Miraculously people arrived from Saudi Arabia, Switzerland, and all parts of N America (some had to reschedule flights to make it). A flight from Florida and Texas didn’t make it – and a car drive from the Western Slope of Colorado couldn’t happen due to the snow.
With three fewer we gathered in the storm (the bark was bigger than the bite – but it’s pretty amazing to be in nearly constant snow (melting the whole time) in the spring time in the Rockies).
And the agenda I thought I knew was wiped out on day one – with a new one downloaded in the afternoon and evening. Off to the races we went – into new aspects of Spiritual Leadership – experiencing our gifts and witnessing presence in an entirely new way. Surrender and God always comes in. Grace beyond your imagination is waiting to express. Claim your truth. Own it. And surrender the outcomes.
From this experience a curriculum around spiritual leadership has been born – along with a clear vision of spiritual practices focused in supporting Spiritual Messengers in their journey. Some big opportunities to come – I’ll share more in the coming days.
For now I just want to say: I’m here, learning to love myself at an even deeper level. Being reminded of God’s extraordinary and unending love, if only I will just get out of the way. Remembering to turn inward. Grateful for all the awareness, experiences, and lessons of the last 9 months. Really wanting to say hello and connect on this Thursday afternoon. Just raw sharing. From My Soul.
Thank you for inviting me into your life. For joining this amazing community. For being engaged here and with yourself. For reading to the end. 🙂
My big awareness seems so simple now. It’s back to basics. Self-love. Inner awareness and the clear resonant path that is ALWAYS unfolding if only we pay attention to it and honor it.
I’ll work on being more vulnerable with you. It’s the only way we can truly connect. The veneer of perfection is just that – a false front. I’m glad I didn’t project perfection since last spoke – glad I didn’t head that direction in response to my own discomforts.
But I’ve missed you.
I’d love to hear what you’ve been up to. What’s been coming up for you in the journey since we last connected? When you have time drop a line.
In Gratitude, Love, and Peace,
Ken W. Stone
The Soul Archaeologist
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