I was a crappy dad – From My Heart #11

Ken W. Stone,
“The Soul Archaeologist”

Internationally Recognized Spiritual Teacher and Healer, and Creator of the Transformational Beneath the Sand Program

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I was a crappy dad – From My Heart #11




Ken W Stone

I’ve been really struggling to find my authentic voice in my written communication with you. It’s all too easy to get caught up with a facade of what I think I should be, instead of who I am. Here’s who I am: A wonderful loving human being – a flawed man, learning my way and in the same soup that you’re in, trying to figure it out one step at a time. I’m a recovering Type-A personality, with lots of extra Driver thrown in. I look like a retired football player – I’m a BIG guy. I’m a goofy person. When people meet me they say “YOU’RE Ken Stone?!” That always makes me laugh. I think most people are expecting someone who “looks the part of a spiritual facilitator” – instead it’s me they see. I’m a very average, big, goofy guy, who likes to be silly and laugh. I have a really loud laugh, by the way. Quick story: After I graduated High School I worked at the dinner theatre in Boulder, Colorado (US) doing sound. The cast used to try to get me to laugh because of my guffaw. My laugh made them laugh. Anyway, I’ve been really thinking about sharing with you some of my own personal transformation. I’m always sharing client transformations, but never my own. Here goes in my authentic and vulnerable voice … From My Heart: I was a crappy dad. As I write this my girls are nine and six years old. Four years ago (and for years before that) I was really unhappy in my life on so many different levels. One of the symptoms of my unhappiness was that I couldn’t figure out how to be present … with my kids. I could tell at some level that my kids needed me to be present when I was with them. But I couldn’t do it. So I showed up as an annoyed father. Never time to sit down and just be with them. I was short with them – had unrealistic expectations for their behavior – the list goes on and on. I was a pretty miserable person inside – and that came out big time in the ways I interacted with my kids. It’s been really hard for me to forgive myself for how I behaved with them, and how I didn’t show up for the first part of their young lives. Thing started to change internally in August of 2007 when I meditated for the first time. As you may have heard me say before, my assistant in my mortgage practice started calling me Zen Ken. But the fact that my Type-A Driver personality was dialing back at work didn’t translate through with my kids. And a month later when I was told I should be working as a healer – that didn’t really change things either. Nor did the work that started to do in 2008 and 2009. Sure, I was more capable of being present, and slowly but surely I was becoming a better dad, but I hadn’t yet unwound all the way – if that language makes sense to you. It wasn’t until I saw a picture of how everything fits together energetically or spiritually – and from this understood more work in a much more complete way – including what I would be doing with my clients going forward that things started to change. From this picture i had last fall – now known as Going Beneath the Sand – I was able to understand how to teach and facilitate a specific process for other people – and that gave me a process to do for myself. Only once I started doing this process on a regularly basis did I unwind all the way. And I’d love to tell you that this change was instant. It was on many levels. But as I look back on it now, I see that it was really after a month or two of regularly practicing this process, that I really became more capable of being present completely with my kids. The inward transformation over time became more complete, and started to show up in my outward life in lots of different ways – including with my kids. There are many small steps that have gone into this, of course. Last year, I started doing “Date Night” with my daughters each week. It’s always one on one – so tonight I’m with Emma – next week with Riley. Wednesday nights are sacred for me. And there were many other changes over the last three years. Now, on the weekends and weekdays when I have my kids, I only focus on them (at least as much as possible). Before I would work and hope they could entertain themselves – focusing on them in very limited moments. Now it’s the opposite. We play together and I am much more completely present most of the time, working only in very limited instances. This is but a small glimpse into my own transformation. It began not even four years ago – and started accelerating the more I focused on my inward game. The more tools and processes that came in for my clients, and the more I used them for myself, the more my outward experience has become happier and more full of joy. And once the keystone was put in place with Beneath the Sand, I was able to unlock for others – and myself, the place inside where I experience myself as whole – as part of a process. Predictable, reliable, transformative. Once I implemented this process in my daily practice, I finally unwound all the way. And one practical outward sign of that for me has been being able to – indeed excited to show up for – and be present with my daughters. If I can do it, you can too. From my heart, with a new more authentic voice – there’s a little bit about my own transformation. I’d love to hear from you. You can email me – or you can go to my new blog – and comment there. I’d love to hear about all the amazing ways you show up as a human in your life -and your flaws. And how you’ve transformed, and how that’s impacted your life. http://www.myhighestself.com/blog/ I’m so grateful we’re connected this way! Peace, Ken