Instrument — From My Heart
You are a Divine instrument. An undistorted extension and expression of the Divine.
Monday I facilitated a session for a client I’ve worked with for more than 18 months. Her journey has been amazing to witness.
The focus for our time: she wanted to work on her sister so she could explore her healing gifts.
This was the first time she had ever “plugged in” to another person to work on them.
It was amazing to witness her stepping into her power! And so exciting to be present as she began having a new, deeper experience of being a conduit.
Funny thing: as the session approached, I emailed her to clarify that it would just be her on the phone during the session – and she could debrief with her sister following our session.
She wanted her sister on the line.
This brought up a fear in me: What would happen if we had her sister on the line during the session? Would it be OK for her sister to hear me teaching how to plug in – then supporting her as she did that – and began working, learning about her gift and listening to my comments and directions as she stepped into her power over and over again?
I realized it was an opportunity for me to surrender, and let go of my ideas. To open up more completely to what it meant to be a conduit and supporting my client in stepping into her gifts.
The session was powerful on so many levels. In ways I couldn’t have imagined. And of course my client was spot on to have her sister on the line for the session.
Last week I wrote in my From My Heart about unreasonable vulnerability.
Then I proceeded to be unreasonably vulnerable in my writing.
I’m still working on feeling like I’ve got it together a week later, LOL! (you know that façade we all try to wear called “I’ve got my act together – I’m refined, and I know what I’m doing!”)
I had a conversation and session with a wonderful woman on Thursday.
She asked me how I was able to be so vulnerable and authentic while commenting on how wonderful it is to listen to what I teach alongside my vulnerabilities for the journey we all walk together.
It was such a wonderful thing to hear – and it got me thinking – how indeed, did this happen?
Three answers came to me:
First: When I decided to put my business online in August of 2010 I had the help of a woman who was instrumental in helping me take the next step over and over again – such that my business launched, I started email list – and did my first webcast group healing sessions.
About six months in I realized that the language and positioning that were prevalent in what I was putting out at that time were not congruent with who I really am. It was her vision for who I was – and how I would show up in the world, not mine. I was trying to play in that “perfection” space – peddling perfection to my potential clients.
The dissonance between my inner knowing and truth (perfection is an idea but not real [while we are all perfect expressions of the Divine – we express as human beings] – and I don’t begin to be polished or perfect) and what I was “pitching” started really bothering me.
This opened the door for me to begin facing who am I really, discovering my authentic voice (a journey I’m sure will unfold the rest of my life). Starting that journey moved me towards being vulnerable and authentic.
Two: Complete Surrender on June 30th, 2011. That’s when I stopped trying to control my life, admitting that I didn’t have the answers. Admitting this to myself and God made it much easier to be real in my written communication.
Three: My coach (Christine Kloser) – who I started working with in September of 2011. One of Christine’s basic messages to me was: “be yourself, Ken.” She sets a powerful example with her own vulnerable, authentic voice.
The minute I gave myself permission to be me, it’s as if all the Divine energy that I was holding at bay with my controlling efforts to “have it all together” crashed, and grace flooded into my life in ways I couldn’t have imagined.
The practice of self love is in part about embracing all these parts of myself, in addition to my Divine gifts.
Each time I forget I am reminded: I am an instrument. My instrument is in tune and resonating perfectly when I am vulnerable and authentic. Even when it’s not reasonable to be so … even when it puts me into fear.
The gal I was talking with last Thursday was the unfortunate “victim” of an “error” in my billing system.
Her husband had lost his job some months back so she emailed to let me know she would be unable to continue with her monthly subscription to The Sanctuary (weekly webcast group healing sessions and more).
I emailed back – of course, I understand – I’m sure all will be in resonance – keep with your practices from Foundations of Spiritual Mastery I – and I’ll cancel your membership.
Early May and her credit card was charged in error.
I emailed her extensive apologies. Let her know I fixed the problem – so sorry – and go on my way.
Early June and her credit card is charged again. I immediately void the transaction … however:
I’m feeling really bad – and worried. I don’t want her to think I’m some loser internet character trying to take advantage. Plus I’m just embarrassed that this problem is coming up again. Trust is a big deal to me – and I’m afraid I’m doing things to violate that trust with her (even though for the life of me I can’t figure out how my billing system made this error two times in a row).
I emailed her again – extensive apologies, etc. This time I offer her a complimentary one hour private session – or year-long membership in The Sanctuary as a small token of appreciation for her grace – and more apologies.
An hour after I sent that email for the first time is dawns on me: “perhaps this is God’s way of ensuring that this woman has a session with you, Ken.”
I laugh when the though occurs to me.
Three hours later she writes me back confirming that thought and overjoyed – convinced of my “power” as a healer to know what she needs.
In truth, I am just an instrument.
We laugh about how I had no clue what was going on until the last minute.
God works miracles through us, even when we’re clueless.
I’m a little more clued in during group healing sessions. After all – we’re connected in energetically and I’m working with the group in very deep space.
Still, it’s a grand experiment in being an instrument.
Whereas when I work with a group in person and there is immediate feedback and confirmation; on a webcast I get no feedback (other than intuitive – including in my body, buzzing, pictures, etc.).
Last Friday I did a group session for the Summer Solstice (Winter for our friends in the Southern Hemisphere).
I even added a Q&A feedback form for the event – so folks could ask questions, give feedback, etc. – thinking I would personally email people to answer questions that came in from participants.
As the session came to a close I remember thinking, “well that seemed like a good one.”
Then refreshing the feedback form dashboard on my computer. Nothing – other than someone commenting on how long the session was – and a simple ‘thank you.’
Mind you – that was wonderful – it felt great. And – I was left wondering – did anyone else enjoy the session? Did it hit the mark?
“I guess I’ll have to trust and have faith that once again in the fact that I’m a conduit. Nothing more. Nothing less.”
Then later in the day and throughout the weekend – emails and texts – among them:
“I’m still buzzing and peaceful and happy from this morning’s session that you gave us over 3 hours ago. Everything you said through the whole session was EXACTLY what I was needing to hear at that exact moment. Everything. It resonated with me completely. I felt (and am continuing to feel) such a feeling of peace and connection with the Divine. Thank you!”
“Ken thank you for today! I had a beautiful ball of light hit and enter me that would have knocked me over if standing. It was beautiful.”
“Wow Absolutely incredible!!! The connection is strong … your call was amazing!!! So excited to download and listen again. Thank you!”
Cool beans – the feedback felt great!!
And ohh yeah – I really am just a conduit. I couldn’t have done all that!
Sometimes I forget, and sometimes I remember. Both are just part of human being.
One of things I shared in my From My Heart last week was my desire to step back onto the bleeding edge of consciousness.
I defined a couple of things I wanted to do next.
Launching my first retreat was near the top of the list. I’m excited to report: on Monday I launched the retreat to a select group of about people who had asked (last August) to receive first notification of this experience!!
Now it’s time to be in faith, and surrender the outcome. Perhaps it’s a grand success by any measure. Perhaps it’s an exercise in being a conduit for something or someone I’m not even aware of …
My client on Monday who worked on her sister had a powerful first-hand experience of being a conduit:
With no prior specific knowledge of her gift, she stepped into the unknown, plugged in, and began witnessing her sister for who she really is.
Whenever she made it about what she was doing or tried to “do more” to “fix” something the result was immediate: more dissonance (tension – even bordering on discomfort or pain) in her sister’s body.
The moment she remembered to step out of the way and be the conduit: the dissonance immediately faded.
The most basic and extraordinary lesson of the spiritual journey comes back again when we witness another: surrender, and experience your true nature!
Here’s to remembering that we are all conduits – expressions of something far greater than we can even imagine, here to serve other parts of the whole.
May that perspective be front and center next time I think there’s a technical challenge that leads to an embarrassing moment with a client, and when I’m walking down the street hand in hand with my daughters … or when I’m in session with a client. Or laughing with a friend over lunch. Or sitting quietly reflecting on all the miracles that have unfolded during the day.
May I have the presence to be both unreasonably vulnerable and authentic.
With every breath, in every day.
Breathing out … I surrender. Breathing in … I receive.
That’s it for this week … From My Heart.
PS – If you missed the Solstice session you can get the MP3 for $8. Sign up to participate in the next session (September – at the Fall/Spring Equinox) and you’ll be directed to a page where you can get the MP3 download right away. Here’s the link: http://kenwstone.com/events/#solstice
Ken W Stone
“The Soul Archaeologist”
Experience the Divine Within