Healing a Wound – From My Heart
I just returned from a retreat in the mountains of Colorado at a monastery near Aspen. I have cried more in the last week than I have a long time.
Tears of pain and loss and sadness. Tears of release and relief. Tears of joy and recognition. Tears arising from a deeper experience of the Divine within. It’s been a healing experience that I’d like to share with you, though I’m struggling to put it into words.
It became clear to me in the weeks and days leading up to the retreat that my primary opportunity in attending the retreat was to heal the charge that I’ve had personally around organized religion.
As you know, I have amazing clients of all faiths that I work with in private sessions. I deeply honor and value their beliefs, and love working within the language of the Divine that is most meaningful as we explore their personal connection and experience of that energy.
However, personally I have really struggled. I felt conflicted in ways that are difficult for me to share with you.
I was raised Catholic. I left the church in my teenage years. I kept hearing a message of the fundamental inadequacy of human beings, and it was discouraging to have my own beliefs of “less than” and “not enough” mirrored and amplified in the place where I was seeking something fulfilling. I also struggled with the depth of what I perceived as dogma. I guess I wanted to understand my beliefs and be able to justify them, and I got to the point where I couldn’t do that anymore.
Perhaps I can say that I rejected the Catholic Church because I felt rejected.
This retreat was all about being accepted. Accepted personally, and accepted spiritually as I am.
As you know, I have a perspective on the spiritual world that I share regularly. I wondered if I would stand in my truth and introduce my work openly if asked about it ahead of time. You may recall a couple of weeks ago when I shared how I have backed away from that on different occasions.
I did it! Over and over again. By a fellow participant who asked: “What do you do for a living?” I responded: “I’m a spiritual healer.” Same answer to a Monk, a Priest, and the Abbot. It was very interesting for me to observe myself – in some moments offering my truth and wondering if it could be accepted – and at other times not worried about acceptance at all.
One of the most powerful healing experiences I had was when the group I was with met with a well-known Christian Mystic. He spoke for more than an hour, sharing his perspective on a wide range of spiritual topics.
It was as if I was listening to a much more articulate, better educated, and much wiser version of myself when he spoke. It was amazing, and I wish I had a recording of what he said to share with you.
The experience of wholeness that I refer to in the practice I teach and share called Beneath the Sand is but one way of accessing your inner wholeness. I was reminded of this when listening to others share of their mystical experiences – of their direct experiences of the Divine – this past week.
However you come your wholeness, by whatever beliefs and experiences, remember that you ARE whole. Right now in this moment.
Some placed on our path are there to remind us of who we really are, to connect, and to help us feel included. I am grateful to every single person who has shared my path to remind and connect with me, and give me an opportunity to share my gifts.
This past week, I am especially grateful for those I was on retreat with, and those at the Monastery who hosted and supported our retreat.
That’s it for this week…From My Heart.
“The Soul Archaeologist”
Internationally Recognized Teacher and Healer
Creator of the Transformational Beneath the Sand Practice