Ego & Service — From My Heart
Jung said: “What you resist, persists.”
I’ve explored the truth of this quote for many years in various aspects of my life … how about you?
If life is a canvas to work through out stuff, pursuing your calling as business is the canvas under an electron microscope.
There’s no hiding from the noise – the dissonance – no matter how small or well concealed.
Here’s the noise that’s come to the surface for attention over the last week:
I’ve been resisting growing the scope and reach of my business because it would require me to expand my support team. And I’ve been associating the reason for a larger support team with ego.
I remember a session I had with my coach Christine Kloser in the fall of 2011. It was a classic of many turning points in my life: something obvious that had eluded me was brought into sharp focus – and I saw it for the first time.
We were working on preparing for an interview that I would be giving, and she asked me how I would respond to a question about my work.
I responded as I had so many times to that point with what Christine labeled in the moments following as my “aww shucks” approach.
As Christine is so powerful at doing, she sweetly suggested that I leave the “aww shucks” behind.
Then she proceeded to answer the question as if she was me.
I actually listened to what she said because she had been my client for three or four months at that point – and I figured it would be OK to listen carefully and absorb what she said.
What exactly was the “aww shucks” energy?
Ego: plain and simple.
The ego seeks to be more or better than – or not as good as or less than. Two sides of the same coin.
The fear that was coming up for attention in this exchange: something inside me that wasn’t willing to own my gifts. I was afraid of trying to make myself better than others – and so my response was to make myself less than – or to diminish a powerful gift.
I first learned to meditate with the Art of Living Foundation in August of 2007.
In one of their advanced courses they asked participants to pair up.
We were told to talk about how amazing we are to our partner.
It was really challenging.
Then the leader talked for a few minutes. We were asked to consider a painting. If we love the painting and praise it and talk about how amazing it is, are we praising the painting – or the painter who created it?
We were invited to consider this question: who is the artist of painted you?
Then we were given an opportunity to talk about how amazing we are to our partner once again.
It was a totally different experience the second time around.
Last Friday in my coaching session with Christine I was peeling back the layers – but for quite a while I didn’t realize it, LOL!
I was focused on the mechanics of my business. Of how I have been pushing to stay with nearly every aspect of my business as the one planning, implementing, and carrying it out.
I was lamenting how certain aspects of my business were facing a bottleneck – me!
I hired a support team in 2013, but have been very slow to release many of the day to day activities of my business to my team.
Christine came right to the point: why are you resisting delegating, Ken?
And up comes another big layer of stuff to transmute!
Just below the surface I have resisted growing my support team.
I have been in fear around what I (previously) associated a support team with: ego!
As I’ve resisted this, my ego has been in charge.
As a result, my perception of growing a team – and expanding the reach of my message and my business has been ego focused rather than motivated by service.
I have to tell you that as Christine was opening the door to a new perceptual reality for me (an expanded team as a vehicle for service) I was stunned.
How long have I seen a team as a move of ego, rather than service?
When I was in mortgage lending I was constantly trying to hire assistants – even when I didn’t have the business volume to justify it. I even paid for assistants when it was costing me dearly – nearly all of my revenue – just to have someone who could do the work that I didn’t want to (like filling out paperwork, following up on details, etc.). Clearly a move of ego.
Here’s the fascinating thing: there really isn’t any part of my business that I don’t like to do.
The problem is that if I’m going to serve more deeply – and honor my gifts and my purpose – I must focus my available time.
Even as I write these words I know there’s more to integrate and embody around this.
When I think about serving, I start to cry.
I think about working with a group of people – sharing some powerful words – awareness and insights. And then I think about facilitating an experience of who they really are … that’s what makes me weep.
When I’m in touch with the resonance of my purpose – and I’m coming from a place of service, there is no resistance.
Projects get done, opportunities open up … and in coming attractions – I embrace and expand my team to ensure that I can serve (without becoming the bottleneck in my business).
When I’m coming from a place of embracing or guarding against ego as my primary motivation – I find resistance.
I end up in my head trying to “figure things out” or “solve problems” rather than honoring the path of resonance.
Even when things look right and resonant on the “surface” sometimes there’s something lurking just below waiting for attention.
True resonance moves through every level of our being – and our lives – naturally.
I’ve been learning this lesson again this week. This time with this lesson, it’s much deeper and closer to the core of who I am.
I’m in service to you and the Divine, and grateful for the opportunity. I’m also grateful for the clarity that has come over the last seven days.
That’s it for this week … From My Heart.
The Soul Archaeologist
Experience the Divine Within